if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
3pm strippers are depressing
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
