I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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