It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
