Ketchup is God's man juice
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
