You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
