yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
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I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
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I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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