Im at strip club and am horny
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You pole danced in your parka.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
