He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
