Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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