I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So vagazzling was a success
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
