My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
