Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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