he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
