I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize