I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
