WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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