just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
