We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
