I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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