I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
