i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
