and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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