there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
