I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
