I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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