Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
