i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i am craving dick and cupcakes
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
