its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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