apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
