I want to walk on stilts...naked
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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