yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
