i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
