He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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