Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
