I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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