oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
