My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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