She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
