I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
