i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
