I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
