she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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