I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
