I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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