Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
