I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
