are you still at the devil's house?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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