Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
