i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i think my cat just said my name.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
