I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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