Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
