Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
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I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
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You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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