you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
