...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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