I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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