I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
