Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize