I want to make a zoo with you.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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