Rock
Scissors
Fuck
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
