What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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