All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
