Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
