I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
