so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
