Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize