I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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