I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
