I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
