you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
