Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
