and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
