party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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