This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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