I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
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