I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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