Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
